I'm back..

 

Ah, this feels like a really big step in the right direction, I am back! I took some time away from blogging the last few weeks as I felt after my last post I needed to get my sh*t together! I spent hours debating about whether or not to post it but I'm so glad I did.

So how am I feeling now? Well the last 3/4 weeks have been full of ups and downs and mixed emotions but I have found strength I never knew I had. Other single mums who have been or are in a similar situation kept telling me one day you will wake up and you will just be stronger person but I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I didn't ever see things getting easier but my gosh they have! Each and every day I find myself picking up the pieces bit by bit and feeling a little bit stronger the more time goes on. Having Isla a majority of the week apart from when she sees her dad has been exhausting and some days I feel like shutting myself in the bathroom and crying with her but it doesn't last for long and I shake it off and realise that Isla is my strength. Its amazing how a little person who cant even talk to you can make you feel so much better and see things in a different light.

As they say as one door closes another one opens and the other week I received some really exciting news and I had to keep it quiet for a little while but I am so happy to announce that I have been given the privilege to work with Channel Mum (Eek somebody pinch me) as one of their  new talent sponsored vloggers. Throughout the next year the wonderful Channel Mum team will be giving 100 mums the chance to be sponsored by them offering expert advice and support,£200 a month, a Panasonic video camera and other exciting things to get there You Tube channels of the ground! Channel mum founded by Siobhan Freegard OBE also previously founded the UK’s biggest parenting website, Netmums (WOW) Channel mum is 'The honest face of parenting' and I feel so excited and blessed to have been selected for such an exciting opportunity! I have received my camera and I have also just got a new HP laptop so my plan is to get filming this week so watch this space for my introduction video!

All in all the last month has been a bit of a whirlwind but I have been living life by one of my favourite quotes 'Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance in the rain' which is exactly what i'm trying to do. I have so many ideas for blog posts and vlogs on the transition from being a couple to being a single parent but I also don't want to stray away from why I started doing this blog, to capture the precious moments with Isla.  I'm hoping to go back to posting twice a week on here and then a video once a week on my You Tube channel! I will share the link for that when its up and running! 

A new chapter.

So I am sitting here about to write a post I never thought I would have to but I do. Its been decided that for the sake of Islas happiness and future as well as ours that Tom and I have separated. God those words are painful. I am not writing this post for sympathy or for peoples well wishes but I am writing it to help my healing process because as you can imagine its utterly heart-breaking and also to help any other mothers in this situation or going through similar things.


From the outside looking in our relationship looked picture perfect and unfortunately more than half of the time it wasn't all roses and sunshine, we had our problems. Tom and I met last march and I found out I was pregnant in the summer. It was all a massive whirlwind for the both of us, we barley knew one another. We decided as a couple that we wanted to have a baby and we both knew that it would be hard but maybe we were naïve to just how trying it would be. Isla is the most precious thing in both of our lives and we will both continue to be in her life for always and there's no doubt that we both love her unconditionally. Tom is an amazing father and I like to think that I am doing a pretty good job as a mother too but we are not right for one another as much as I wish we were. We are going to maintain a friendship as much as we possibly can but understandingly we both need time to heal and to grieve. This isn't just a normal break up. we had made a life together and brought a beautiful baby girl into it. For us both, Islas happiness is what we want as well as our own. Two happy parents who are separated are much better than two parents who are together but miserable. This is a very recent event in my life, and I don't think it has entirely sunk it yet. I am going to keep up with the blogging as much as I feel I can. I am still going to use this as a way of treasuring my memories with Isla as that's why I started this blog, but I will also use it  as a positive tool and most of all I want to help others.

The first of many firsts..

So today was a pretty special day for us as we celebrated Islas first Easter. We aren't particularly religious but its always nice to make the most of holidays and traditions, especially ones that involve lots of chocolate. We are currently on a mini holiday visiting toms family in Cornwall and as Isla hadn't met a few of the family from this side (Her Auntie Anna and Uncle Chris flew all the way from Texas to meet her)  its been a pretty busy time.

We started the day of with a much needed fry up made by Toms dad and his partner (we actually went out last night into St.Ives with Toms friends and some family whilst Isla stayed in with her nanny so safe to say we felt a little fragile this morning). We had a traditional Easter egg hunt before we set of to Falmouth to see Toms mum and her side of the family. The family lunch was booked in at Rick Steins fish restaurant which I was really excited for as I had heard so much about it. I went for the classic fish, chips, mushey peas and tar tar sauce and Tom had some sort of duck dish (duck in a seafood place? weirdo) Isla was spoilt rotten with cuddles and kisses as usual... (Its hard being so damn cute) We ended up back at Toms mums house for another eater egg hunt, some more cuddles with Isla and a few different card games. We are now in are PJS slobbed out on the sofa and Isla is fast asleep in dream land thinking of the chocolate she will be able to eat next year. Overall it has been a really wonderful day and things like this are so special to experience for the first time with your child; it makes me think of all the other firsts we have to come like swimming, words, crawling holidays abroad, Halloween, Christmas.. and that's not even half of them! Isla makes the world a beautiful place to be.

How was your easter? Did you get up to much or just have a chilled one? Let me know in the comments below :)